Buybuy Baby
Last night, my husband Ulises and I took what seemed to be the longest way to visit his youngest brother, his girlfriend, and their new baby. We live in Washington, DC, in the northwest quadrant. They are staying at her parents’ house in Germantown, Maryland. I’m scooting to MapQuest this very moment to figure out how many miles separate the two. One moment …
Okay, we’re apparently 31.3 miles apart. Not too far. I guess because it was a) after work and b) because we needed to stop off at Buybuy Baby to shop for a breast pump as well as c) withdraw some cash for the new family once we failed to get a breast pump (who knew they were so expensive!? or that they're probably too personal a gift to buy for someone else?) that it seemed to take forever to get there.
Arrive we finally did to be greeted by the family, their pet ferret Deuce, and a yippy dog named Oreo Cookie. My husband's brother lives at his girlfriend's parents' house, nestled in a cute suburban neighborhood, one you can easily get lost in due to the houses all looking pretty much the same, especially in the dark and after whipping around two or three of the neighborhood's comical traffic circles.
My husband's brother (who I'm not naming intentionally to protect his privacy) and his girfriend (same thing with her, too) are young, maybe 18. They both seemed happy about the baby and very capable. He glistened with confidence and cheer, the makings of a good father. She rested the baby on her once full belly, tucked in her pink and yellow floral flannel blanket.
Watching them, talking to them, grabbing glimpses of the Ultimate Fighting Championship that was on TV, I was so objective. I was polite and witty, little jokes peppered amongst oohs and aahs. I didn’t judge them as many people would or as I think I might have a few years ago.
They’re young but in that moment, and that’s all I saw, they were perfect. Calm, cool, collected, if tired. But looking beyond the brushed suede microfiber sofa and the stinky ferret, behind her supportive parents who trickled in and out of the living room, there was fear. Maybe it only emanated from her mom and dad. Her mom seemed quite nice. Strong, dependable, successful in her pocket of the world. Ulises told me she's a teacher.
And, if she is indeed a teacher I can probably trace the contours of her fear (due to my parents’ pre-retirement professions). Your 18-year-old daughter got pregnant and is a mom. She’s healthy, the baby’s fine. Good. Phew! No complications but what of her life going forward? Where’s she going? What experiences has she forfeited by having a baby so early?
I don’t mean to call the baby a complication or a roadblock but she is in a way. (Am I just saying this because I’ve deferred having a child for so long?) I made it 12 years further on (but in what direction?) than the new mom did. My family and many of my friends would say that’s good and I’m inclined to agree, but is it? What’s next for her? Will she work? Will she get to college? And the baby …? Many studies assert that girls of teen moms are likely to become one themselves.
Babies having babies. It’s much more complicated than that. Parents fear it and many people moralize about such scenarios.
What did she lose by having a baby so early in her adult life? Is it horrific to think of a baby this way? What about my husband's brother? Will they always have to struggle? Will they always have to live in cute, neat, quiet, hypocritical suburbia with her family? Will they be allowed to grow up? Because that’s what they certainly need but my feeling from that evening was that the baby’s arrival prompted her parents to rejuvenilize her in a way. I know, I know, “juvenilize” is not a word and thus “rejuvenilize” is certainly less of one but you know what I mean.
It’s as though many people around her think she strayed, she partied, she met boys, she fucked, and when that all came to its inevitable end without condoms and/or birth control pills, she got knocked up and it’s time to bring her back to the fold because this is plain scary.
I don’t mean this as a value judgment on either of them, much less her parents who seem to be doing the best they can with the whole scenario (much better, I might add, than many parents in similar situations who turn their backs harshly on their pregnant kids) nor a judgment of the innocent baby but the whole scenario made me think about them and their futures.
That said, I wish them the best.
Postscript: It's been awhile since I wrote what's just above. I've since been to the baby girl's second birthday party. The young couple's still together. My husband's brother has been in and out of various jobs but tries his best. He's working to get a family construction/cleaning business off the ground. Pretty ambitious but he's quite capable. The young mom is working at a department store and the baby, well, she's not a baby any more. She's adorable, happy, and starting to say words here and there.
Last night, my husband Ulises and I took what seemed to be the longest way to visit his youngest brother, his girlfriend, and their new baby. We live in Washington, DC, in the northwest quadrant. They are staying at her parents’ house in Germantown, Maryland. I’m scooting to MapQuest this very moment to figure out how many miles separate the two. One moment …
Okay, we’re apparently 31.3 miles apart. Not too far. I guess because it was a) after work and b) because we needed to stop off at Buybuy Baby to shop for a breast pump as well as c) withdraw some cash for the new family once we failed to get a breast pump (who knew they were so expensive!? or that they're probably too personal a gift to buy for someone else?) that it seemed to take forever to get there.
Arrive we finally did to be greeted by the family, their pet ferret Deuce, and a yippy dog named Oreo Cookie. My husband's brother lives at his girlfriend's parents' house, nestled in a cute suburban neighborhood, one you can easily get lost in due to the houses all looking pretty much the same, especially in the dark and after whipping around two or three of the neighborhood's comical traffic circles.
My husband's brother (who I'm not naming intentionally to protect his privacy) and his girfriend (same thing with her, too) are young, maybe 18. They both seemed happy about the baby and very capable. He glistened with confidence and cheer, the makings of a good father. She rested the baby on her once full belly, tucked in her pink and yellow floral flannel blanket.
Watching them, talking to them, grabbing glimpses of the Ultimate Fighting Championship that was on TV, I was so objective. I was polite and witty, little jokes peppered amongst oohs and aahs. I didn’t judge them as many people would or as I think I might have a few years ago.
They’re young but in that moment, and that’s all I saw, they were perfect. Calm, cool, collected, if tired. But looking beyond the brushed suede microfiber sofa and the stinky ferret, behind her supportive parents who trickled in and out of the living room, there was fear. Maybe it only emanated from her mom and dad. Her mom seemed quite nice. Strong, dependable, successful in her pocket of the world. Ulises told me she's a teacher.
And, if she is indeed a teacher I can probably trace the contours of her fear (due to my parents’ pre-retirement professions). Your 18-year-old daughter got pregnant and is a mom. She’s healthy, the baby’s fine. Good. Phew! No complications but what of her life going forward? Where’s she going? What experiences has she forfeited by having a baby so early?
I don’t mean to call the baby a complication or a roadblock but she is in a way. (Am I just saying this because I’ve deferred having a child for so long?) I made it 12 years further on (but in what direction?) than the new mom did. My family and many of my friends would say that’s good and I’m inclined to agree, but is it? What’s next for her? Will she work? Will she get to college? And the baby …? Many studies assert that girls of teen moms are likely to become one themselves.
Babies having babies. It’s much more complicated than that. Parents fear it and many people moralize about such scenarios.
What did she lose by having a baby so early in her adult life? Is it horrific to think of a baby this way? What about my husband's brother? Will they always have to struggle? Will they always have to live in cute, neat, quiet, hypocritical suburbia with her family? Will they be allowed to grow up? Because that’s what they certainly need but my feeling from that evening was that the baby’s arrival prompted her parents to rejuvenilize her in a way. I know, I know, “juvenilize” is not a word and thus “rejuvenilize” is certainly less of one but you know what I mean.
It’s as though many people around her think she strayed, she partied, she met boys, she fucked, and when that all came to its inevitable end without condoms and/or birth control pills, she got knocked up and it’s time to bring her back to the fold because this is plain scary.
I don’t mean this as a value judgment on either of them, much less her parents who seem to be doing the best they can with the whole scenario (much better, I might add, than many parents in similar situations who turn their backs harshly on their pregnant kids) nor a judgment of the innocent baby but the whole scenario made me think about them and their futures.
That said, I wish them the best.
Postscript: It's been awhile since I wrote what's just above. I've since been to the baby girl's second birthday party. The young couple's still together. My husband's brother has been in and out of various jobs but tries his best. He's working to get a family construction/cleaning business off the ground. Pretty ambitious but he's quite capable. The young mom is working at a department store and the baby, well, she's not a baby any more. She's adorable, happy, and starting to say words here and there.
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